Episode 27: Poor Black Men Are Narcissistic

All the Credit, None of the Work

Poor Black men are quite the pontificators when they observe the ways of the world. These men sincerely believe only they have the key to understanding how everything really works. From the complexities of human relationships to current affairs and matters of race, religion, politics, and gender, these men have an (incorrect) answer for everything.

Idealization and Envy

Poor Black men tend to attribute their position in life to capitalism, Black women, and the privilege of white people.

When a Black man compares you to a white woman for something you’ve done which he considers disagreeable, his comparison highlights his envy and idealization of white and/or female privilege.

Unwittingly and at every chance, poor Black men signal their crippling narcissism with their attempts to convince other people that only external factors — and none of their own — have displaced them. The rest of us become tropes in their victim tales while they keep themselves from achieving romantic and career success.

Cries for Help

A poor Black man will do almost anything to escape his reality, or the consequences he’s caused in someone else’s. He is a profoundly distressed person who longs to be free of his own financial traps, doubts and self-limiting beliefs that construct his life’s limitations.

Fleeing is a way for a man like this to avoid emotional distress.

Being discarded via ghosting or sudden abandonment is the closest thing to an admission of narcissism you’ll ever receive from a man like this. Black men are highly skilled at withdrawing from charged situations, even when they are the ones creating the charge.

The mastery of self-sacrifice is a neglected pursuit of many poor Black men. In their desperation to escape, and in choosing to absolve themselves of wrongdoing, they compound the injustices that many of them actually do face.

To withstand other people’s expectations of them (or perhaps in spite of them), and to distance themselves from feeling insecure, many poor Black men adopt hypermasculine and narcissistic personas to cope with feeling trapped.

Black cultures often normalize narcissistic abuse by Black men because it happens so often. Deep feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy plague these men as they misinterpret their lack of control over their lives. I think the connection between narcissism and poverty has never been stronger in Black men.

Social Media Outrage

Navigating pain requires understanding where it comes from. Figuring out the root cause of it helps you find constructive outlets to express it. For poor Black men, social media has become their outlet of choice to express their pain. They insist on punishing Black women with their rage and public disrespect and get away with it every day. To reinforce their fragile self-esteem, a narcissist can only deal with pain and fear by externalizing blame and seeking constant validation.

Anger is a natural response to injustice and disappointment. But many people are slow to move beyond anger to find practical solutions to their problems.

It’s possible to draw inspiration from pain when you’re angry.

But there can be no meaningful effort toward change without purpose, a real reason to do so.

A man’s lack of purpose, or his perception thereof, further damages his self-esteem. As narcissistic people, poor Black men use denial and misogynoir to mask their emotional wounds.

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Reflections on Self and Pain

Identity and Comparison

• The identity of many Black men, especially those struggling with socio-economic challenges, is often shaped by a continuous cycle of comparison and blame.

• This comparison can be destructive, leading them to externalize their pain and project it onto others, particularly Black women.

• By blaming capitalism, white privilege, or even Black women for their struggles, these men inadvertently reinforce a victim mentality that traps them in a cycle of self-pity and resentment.

Coping and Acceptance

• The coping mechanisms employed by many Black men, particularly those dealing with poverty and systemic disenfranchisement, often involve escapism and denial.

• Instead of confronting their issues head-on, they choose to flee from responsibility or reality, seeking solace in hypermasculine personas or narcissistic behaviors.

The Impact of Narcissism and Social Media

• Narcissism, exacerbated by social and economic pressures, has become a prevalent coping mechanism among Black men.

• This trait is particularly damaging as it leads to a distorted sense of self-importance and an inability to accept responsibility for personal failures.

• Social media amplifies these tendencies, providing a platform for poor Black men to express their frustrations in ways that often target Black women.

• This behavior reinforces negative cycles and prevents the development of constructive solutions to their problems.

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