blue tone filter oil pastel black woman self portrait

Episode 13: Why It Feels Dangerous to Protect Your Well-Being

Source: @OshayDukeJackson

Tips for Protecting Yourself From Black Men’s Toxicity

Don’t listen to black men’s opinions on white men.
Know that Black men like to let themselves off the hook.
If you’re dating them, don’t believe anything they say about their exes or previous relationships. They will always paint themselves more favorably than how they treated their partners. To them, accountability was (and is) always someone else’s problem.
Don’t take any of their advice regarding your professional life or your finances.
Don’t let them get you pregnant.
Once you leave, don’t ever take them back.

Source: @You’re Triggered

Tips for Protecting Yourself From the Black Community’s Toxicity

Remember that criticism is the love language of the Black community.
Distance yourself from habitual problem-causers.
Avoid excessively angry and negative people.
Do not loan money to anyone.
Wear condoms.
Listen to modern day hip-hop at your own risk.
Always respect yourself.
Remember that education is always a good thing.
Focus on building something to sustain yourself.
Don’t assume the worst of non-Black people.
Remember that depression is real, and therapy is okay.

Welcome to the New Self-Care

Self-care practices are transformative. Self-care is a promise, a commitment you make to yourself.

For Black women, it gives us a chance to be visible to ourselves, since we spend so much of our time caring for and about others.

Culturally, Black women need time to counterbalance the internal challenges we face such as emotional neglect, invisibility, violence, harassment, and judgment.

The stereotype of being a “strong Black woman” celebrates how resilient we are, yet simultaneously undermines our need for rest and emotional support. This is why embracing self-care is so vital for us, yet many of us look at self-care as indulgence, but it’s deeper than that. Self-care for Black women means consciously engaging in activities that heal our emotional wounds, and that align us to our various goals and faiths.

The Danger of Self-Care

Black women taking time for themselves can be upsetting to Black men because it disrupts their expectation of our perpetual self-sacrifice. Know that you will never thrive this way.

Black women who prioritize their well-being not only challenge societal norms but pave the way for our culture to shift. Our self-care practices become rituals. They’re quiet acts of resistance to a culture and world that disregards and overlooks our needs.